Some people think learning the piano is all about talent, patience, and a few hours of practice each week. I’d argue it’s more about… psychological flexibility.
And no, I don’t mean the kind that comes from yoga classes (though a looser back won’t hurt your posture). I’m talking about the ability to keep playing, practicing, and improving even when your mind seems determined to sabotage the session.
Psychologist and researcher Todd Kashdan has spent years studying this quality – a true trampoline for thinking about how each of us approaches life as well as learning anything, including music, of course.
In essence, psychological flexibility is the invisible pedal that keeps your playing going, even when your hands tremble, the metronome turns into your sworn enemy, and your brain reminds you that life was much simpler when “Happy Birthday” was the only piece you knew.
1. The Invisible Stage: Discomfort as Part of the Concert
Whenever we pursue something we truly value – like learning the piano – we’re bound to encounter discomfort: frustration, fear of mistakes, boredom from repeating a bar twenty times (or a hundred, if you’re like me…), or the anxiety of playing in front of others.
Psychological flexibility isn’t about getting rid of these feelings. It’s about choosing how to respond. Kashdan identifies three main options – and here’s their adaptive value:
- Avoidance – generally maladaptive in the long term
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- Closing the lid and saying, “I’ll come back to it tomorrow” (and tomorrow never arrives because you ended on a “bad” note, the kind that makes you dread tomorrow’s practice).
- Temporary relief, but long-term stagnation. Useful only in specific cases, like preventing injury – like back ache or an arthritis bout, or recognizing that if you only slept 2 hours tonight there’s a fair chance your brain might be uncooperative for the day.
2. Acceptance – generally adaptive
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- Acknowledging, “I’m frustrated, but I’ll keep playing anyway.”
- Allows action alongside discomfort. Prevents wasting energy in an inner tug-of-war.
3. Harnessing – often highly adaptive
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- Using the discomfort as fuel: “I’m frustrated, which means this matters; let’s put that energy into expression.”
- Transforms tension into focus, competition with self or creativity. Needs balance to avoid burnout.
2. Deliberate Practice Isn’t an Emotional Spa
Many learners believe discomfort is proof they’re “not cut out for it”. Kashdan’s research says otherwise: discomfort often signals growth.
Like a dissonant chord waiting for resolution, discomfort during practice is an opportunity that calls for resolution. The question is: will you work through it, or abandon the piece only after 10 bars?
3. The PPFI at the Piano
Kashdan’s Personalised Psychological Flexibility Index (PPFI) measures how we respond to discomfort when chasing our goals. For pianists, it might look like:
- Avoid: “I always skip the more challenging version in this piece.”
- Accept: “I slow them down and practise them, even if I feel clumsy.”
- Harness: “I exaggerate the motion as an exercise, so it becomes fun and easier to master.”
4. Practical Exercises to Build Your ‘Invisible Pedal’
Here are five piano-specific exercises to develop psychological flexibility. They follow the avoid–accept–harness spectrum, so you can explore each response and strengthen the adaptive ones.
Exercise 1 – The “Play It Anyway” Minute (Acceptance)
Choose the most frustrating bar or couple of bars in your current piece. Set a timer for 1 minute and commit to playing it slowly and continuously, without stopping to correct mistakes, but noticing them mindfully, and making a note to pay specific attention to that on the next repetition.
- Purpose: Trains tolerance for imperfection while maintaining forward motion.
- Tip: Whisper to yourself, “It’s okay to feel awkward – I’m learning.”
Exercise 2 – The ‘Discomfort Scale’ Log (Self-awareness)
Before practice, rate your anticipated discomfort on a scale of 1–10. After practice, rate your actual discomfort.
- Purpose: Helps you see that discomfort often fades once you start.
- Variation: Note if you avoided, accepted, or harnessed it, and reflect on the result.
Exercise 3 – Harness the Nerves Drill (Harnessing)
Record yourself playing a section as if performing for an audience of your musical heroes. Channel the nerves into extra expressiveness – exaggerate dynamics, bring more emotion.
- Purpose: Teaches you to convert tension into artistic energy.
- Bonus: Compare to a ‘cool’ version and notice the differences.
Exercise 4 – The Reverse Comfort Zone (Acceptance + Harnessing)
Pick a piece or study that feels “too hard” or “too out there” for your current level. Spend just 3 minutes on it.
- Purpose: Introduces controlled doses of challenge to reframe discomfort as curiosity.
- Tip: Celebrate attempts, not outcomes.
Exercise 5 – Three-Speed Challenge (Harnessing)
Take a difficult passage and play it:
- Slow motion – for precision.
- Normal speed – for consolidation.
- Faster than performance speed – to stretch comfort.
Purpose: Uses speed shifts to make the ‘real’ tempo feel safer and more controlled.
5. The Inner Recital
On the piano, courage isn’t playing the Moonlight Sonata flawlessly from memory. It’s sitting down every day and facing the bars that make you want to walk away.
It’s pressing ‘record’ when you know you’ll hear your own mistakes. It’s recognising that sometimes progress comes in disguise – like a week spent retraining your left-hand fingering.
Psychological flexibility means staying on the bench even when your mind shouts, “Run! You’re not cut out for this!”
6. Tuning Your Head Like You Tune Your Piano
- Micro-courage – tackle one uncomfortable thing every session.
- Reframe mistakes – see them as data, not verdicts.
- Integrate nerves and frustration – let adrenaline boost, not block, your expression and insatisfaction steer you into slowly getting to how you want it to sound.
Conclusion: Playing More Than Keys
Psychological flexibility is like a silent pedal: unseen, but transformative. It turns a tedious practice into a breakthrough, stage nerves into expressive power, frustration as the engine to move forward, and a mistake into a laugh that keeps you going.
Learning the piano is also about learning to play yourself. Kashdan’s work invites us to stop waiting for discomfort to disappear – and start making music with it. Or just living life fully!
Note
Dr Todd B. Kashdan, PhD
Dr Todd Kashdan is a distinguished American psychologist, a Professor of Psychology at George Mason University, and the founding director of the WellBeing Lab—an incubator of scientific insights on curiosity, psychological flexibility, resilience, purpose, and human performance
He has authored multiple acclaimed books including Curious?, The Upside of Your Darkside, Designing Positive Psychology, and the most recent The Art of Insubordination – I love them all!. His APA winning work, alongside over 250 peer reviewed publications and more than 54,000 citations, has made him a leading voice on wellbeing and mental strength.
Dr Kashdan also writes the popular Substack newsletter Provoked, where each week over five million readers – me included – enjoy his fresh, science grounded takes on how to live with meaning, courage, and psychological agility.
You can explore his work further at toddkashdan.com, where you’ll find his blog, publications, research updates, speaking engagements, and measures like the Personalized Psychological Flexibility Index (PPFI)
Clinical psychologist for nearly 40 years and founder of one of Portugal’s top clinics. Pathologically curious and a lifelong learning addict. Piano (thanks, PFA!), Portuguese guitar, charcoal, oils, recycled furniture, writing, acting, languages… and still counting. 😊
